Gold to Airy Thinness Beat

Physical law was all that mattered.  Higher Ideal sat in a corner and
awaited the arrival of Outcome as Skin grew pale, drained of ruby
liquid.  Pupils ate blue Irises in a mad race to find fading light.
Ribcage fell and dropped, taking longer and longer pauses between
hang on scully hang on listen to my voice just listen to my voice
It was easy for the tiny membrane inside Ear to ignore her partner's
plea, coming from so high up, so far below.  There were other things
to listen to right now, fascinating noises from the inside.  Wind
touched places never before exposed to elements, drying, crusting.
She felt empty.  She felt free.
"It won't be long now."
She saw her words instead of hearing them.  She watched them float up
in the rust-colored sky, white balloons.   She noted with clinical
wonder that she could see her voice. It was iridescent, thick and
plush like velvet cord pulled up into the air.
Pain shrieked through her midriff .  The doctor left in her examined
the wounds and saw the internal bleeding caused by the little nubs of
cop-killer metal.  Liver, gone. One Lung deflated, the other torn.
is on the way you have to hold on please
Shhhh, Mulder.  Shhhh.  I need to pay very close attention now.
Spine snapped up and back, Head lolled on neck.  The sky was blue
again.  What looked like her hand raised and fell on a white starched
surface, finger-painting in deadly red.  Chinese ideograms for hope,
luck and joy were traced carelessly with one soaked fingernail.
Wet on her face.  Sodium hydrochloride rain fell in crystal drips.
Male hands, normally strong, now weakly pressed in hurt places,
trying to push back all red tides.
what to do i can't it won't
Where were her feet?  Step by step they had carried her towards today
but now she didn't know if they ever existed. Maybe they were just
something she imagined one day.  Maybe she had walked on her hands
all this time after all, dragging the weight of her torso inch by
inch up a steep incline of gravel and rocks towards the inevitable
skidding downward course.
help is oh my god over here over here agent down
It isn't down, Mulder.  It's everywhere.  We should change it to
everywhere, not down.  Agent everywhere.
The idea made her laugh and Pain once again blazed bright trails
through dimming Consciousness.  The sky was blue and here was her
partner's sweet panic-stricken face, Kevlar vest pulled off to hold
her closer.  Eyes worked hard to focus on the blur of movement
surrounding her.  So much fuss.  It's all right everyone, it's all
Did she say that?  There were no balloons in the now purple heavens
as Heart fluttered like a little bird.  She was a bird.  It was all
so clear.  She had always been a bird, a small feathered avian making
her way from branch to branch, staying out of the wind in deep
bushes, warming her feet on the power lines that stretched across the
field out by that house that her friend Denise lived in when she was
don't leave me i love you scully
She should say something comforting to the man holding her like a
cloth doll, torn and frayed and dear. She remembered when she was 6,
undressing her Raggedy Ann and finding the heart printed on the chest
that said, "I love you".  In the time it took to hurriedly put the
little dress and apron back on, the doll graduated to  favorite.
She'd held it close, whispering many "I love yous" to the little
cotton figure, just like Mulder did to her now.  She still had it
back in her apartment, carefully tucked on a shelf, dear and worn.
Raggedy Ann loved her.  Mulder loved her.  It was good to know.
"Don't cry."
Tiny clear bubbles instead of balloons rising up towards the black
sky, like the sound of sirens near her head.   Kind rough hands
pulling her from her partner's unyielding chest.
No, no.  Not alone like this. Her hand appeared again, reaching out
to leave more red-tinted symbols for despair and longing on the white
cotton canvas.  She watched as it entangled in his net of strong
unwounded fingers.  The warmth from his hand made Teeth chatter.  She
was cold, so very cold.
wait wait for me scully i'll be right there i'm not going to leave you
She needed to tell him.  Hands grasped at his tie, pulling him near
her in a final blast of energy, fueled from need.  I'm running out of
time, Mulder.  Listen close.
He seemed to hear her.  He leaned in, stopped the men pushing her
towards the black maw of ambulance, his dear, dear face swimming into
God I'm going to miss seeing you, Mulder.  Miss talking to you and we
never really did.  Talk.  Not about the important things.  Now we
just have time for goodbye.
She saw the words again, watched them spiral upwards to heaven where
the souls of the dead held out their arms to receive them.  His face
no scully don't do this you have to go they have to take you
No, Mulder.  This is it.
He'd heard her.  Tears fell as the words traveled past his face and
moved towards oblivion.
Another pain from deep inside.  She could feel some internal organ
rip loose of its precious tethers and shut down, tired of running its
course.  Her partner held her hand and wept.  The sky faded to pale
black.  Time to tell him.  Time to let him know.
She tried to smile as she watched the words float around him, caress
him with their velvet hands.  I've loved you, Mulder.  All this
time.  Loved you like no other. If I die today, I'm glad it's beside
you.  It's where I belong.  I've always belonged next to you.   I'm
sorry it took me so long to see it.
His features were fading, but his eyes remained etched against the
disappearing landscape.  She thought she could see her confession
light them up from the inside.  He was so beautiful.  She couldn't
pick a better face to see. He was all she wanted now.  It was perfect
he was here.
Somewhere from all around, a man was shouting her name.  It was
getting lighter and the sky was closer than she remembered it.  Lungs
were so tired but she needed to keep going.  Tell him what mattered
so she could leave this all behind with no regrets.
scully please try
I love you, Mulder.  Always have.  Always will.  It's you and me,
Mulder.  No "gotchas" this time.  No more time and now I want to live
She was floating and there was no pain.  She watched distant planets
move closer as she headed upwards.  Living forever is easy, Mulder,
she called to him.  You just have to know how.   Velvet cords reached
down and caught her, wrapping softness around her limbs, lifting her
gently, wrapping her in the sound of her own voice.
She looked to find Mulder but he was gone.  No matter.  He knew.  She
could go.
She gave herself over.  She didn't look back.
Skinner wiped the tears from his face and moved towards the lone
figure sitting on the hood of the dark sedan.  He normally hated the
feel of Kevlar, but he had business to attend to that couldn't wait
for him to take off the heavy vest.
"Agent Mulder?"
The solitary man didn't turn.  He sat on the hood, looking down the
road the ambulance had disappeared on, like a dog waiting the return
of its owner.
She did own him, Skinner thought.  She owned us all.
"Agent Mulder?"
Nothing.   Better just say it.  He made himself promise he wouldn't
"Agent Scully just passed away in the ambulance.  They tried to
revive her, but there was too much internal damage."   Skinner wasn't
going to make it through this.  He took a shuddering breath.  "I'm
going to contact her family."
"Her mother.  Call her mother."
The figure on the car turned around, face seemingly mild.    Skinner
stepped closer to his agent and put his hand on the man's shoulder.
At the touch, a small trembling entered the man's hands.  He looked
back down the road, eyes seeking a small figure who wasn't going to
The A.D. felt the lump in his throat grow larger.  It probably wasn't
the time for it, but it was protocol and he needed to know.  "Agent
Mulder, I'm sorry to ask you this right now but you were the last one
with her.  Did she..." Christ, this was awful.  "Did she say
anything?  Anything I can tell the family?"
Mulder face collapsed in on itself. One tear fell free and began the
journey towards his collar.
Another tear fell and Skinner moved a step closer.  Mulder shook his
head violently. "No.  She didn't say anything.   I think she wanted
to but she just...just...she was so...broken..."
Skinner didn't care if looked manly or not. He embraced his crying
agent, Mulder's tears mixing with his own.
Notes:  This was written for the Church of X fanfic challenge for
May. The challenge was to use the line " If I die today, I'm glad
it's beside you" in a fic.  The topic spoke to me.  No, let me
clarify.  The topic was like red held in front of a bull to me.
Thanks, Church of X.
The title is from Donne when he speaks of the direct connection that
lovers have when one is dead.   I wish I had thought of it, but the
credit all goes to Marasmus.  Come drink Guinness with me, woman.  I
mean it.
And remember: don't hate me because I killed her.  Hate me because I
enjoyed killing her.
feedback for anyone who'd like to make my day:

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